Survivor Guilt

That's it. That's what I have.


survivor guilt - a deep feeling of guilt often experienced by those who have survived some catastrophe that took the lives of many others; derives in part from a feeling that they did not do enough to save the others who perished and in part from feelings of being unworthy relative to those who died


After a major heartbreak in my life I became angry at God (whose fault it was NOT). I rebelled for a while. In rebelling I didn't just hang out with other people who were already living in sin & rebellion, but I hung out with some Christian friends & dragged them down to the pit with me. God has been so gracious & merciful to "lift me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." (Psalm 40:2). This brings a shout of praise from my mouth! However, it also brings sadness to my heart. I hate to admit that it also brings feelings of shame & guilt. Why? Because not everyone came out of that time of sin-wallowing. Some are still there & some in worse condition than when I was there with them. What an opportunity I had as the stronger sister (yes, I was the stronger sister) to set an example of faith & trust in the Almighty. Instead, I set a horrible example & others are suffering for that. I know that we are all responsible for our own walk with Christ, but I believe that we also have a responsibility to one another.


This week I shared with a sister at church about my 'survivor guilt'. Of course she immediately wanted to give God some praise for restoring my life. Amen! Praise His Name!! BUT what about those left behind? She reminded me that they, too, can still be restored. As long as we have breath we have another opportunity to get it right. I've struggled to know what my role is in the lives of these precious friends of mine who are caught in the throes of sin. One thing I'm sure of is that my immediate responsibility is to pray, pray, pray! My God is "able to do do exceeding abundantly above all I could ask or imagine" (Ephesians 3:20). I know this because He did it for me.


So, though it seems like survivor guilt, the truth is that my friends still have a huge chance of survival because we serve a huge God! Though He is not a God of chance He is the God of chances (2nd chances, 3rd chances, 4th chances...)!


"...You will know the Truth & the Truth will make you free." (John 8:32) Even free from survivor guilt. Free to pray for the survival of the remaining POWs.